Welcome to Verification Hell

Let me paint you a picture.

You have a legitimate business. It exists. It has a physical location. Real customers walk through real doors and exchange real money for real services. You pay taxes. You have employees. You exist in the most verifiable sense possible.

Now try convincing Google of this.

The Beginning

It started innocently enough. I wanted to claim my Google Business listing so customers could find my hours, leave reviews, and generally know I exist. Simple, right? Every business does this. It takes like 10 minutes.

Or so I thought.

Attempt #1: The Postcard

Google’s first suggestion: they’ll mail a postcard with a verification code. Great! Sounds reasonable. I requested it.

Two weeks later: Nothing.

I requested another one.

Two more weeks: Still nothing.

At this point, I started to wonder if Google was mailing these postcards via carrier pigeon with a bad sense of direction.

Attempt #2: The Video Call

Fine, I thought. I’ll do the video verification. I’ll walk them through my actual physical business in real time. They’ll see the sign. The products. The address on the wall. The customers. Everything.

REJECTED.

Reason? “Unable to verify business location.”

I was literally standing inside my business, showing them everything. What more do they want? A notarized letter from God?

Attempt #3: The Video Upload

Okay, let’s try the uploaded video option. I’ll make it even more thorough. Walk from the street, show the address, enter the building, tour everything.

REJECTED.

This time with a different excuse: “Video quality insufficient.”

It was shot on a modern smartphone. In broad daylight. With stabilization on. I’ve seen feature films shot on worse equipment.

The Support Black Hole

Of course, I tried contacting support.

Have you ever tried getting help from Google support for a free product? It’s like trying to have a conversation with a vending machine. You put in your query, hear some whirring, and get back something that vaguely resembles a response but doesn’t actually solve your problem.

The automated responses were especially helpful:

“We recommend trying video verification.”

Yes. I know. I’ve tried it. Multiple times. It keeps getting rejected.

“Please ensure your video clearly shows…”

IT DOES. IT CLEARLY SHOWS EVERYTHING.

Where I Am Now

Still unverified. Still frustrated. Still documenting.

The absurdity of it all is that my business continues to operate successfully without Google’s blessing. Customers find us. They come in. They buy things. They’re happy.

But Google remains unconvinced that we exist.

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Why I’m Writing This

Because I know I’m not alone. I’ve seen the forums. The Reddit threads. The Twitter rants. There’s an army of legitimate business owners trapped in this same verification purgatory.

Maybe if enough of us document our experiences, something will change. Maybe a journalist will notice. Maybe someone at Google will read this and fix their broken system.

Or maybe I’ll just descend further into madness.

Either way, I’ll keep you posted.

$ google-verify --attempt=47
Error: Verification failed
Reason: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Stay tuned. The journey continues.